An anniversary tale.
I’m going to try with a little levity with this post since the war with Iran is going to dominate media in the coming days. Ugly things are going to continue happening. Bombing another country is war.
This post has to do with a wedding anniversary excursion to Eureka Springs, Arkansas I went on with my wife when I was still young. We have gone there a number of times over the years including a stay at the hotel whose marquee we’re standing under for a picture that we took and sent out via email to friends, family, and co-workers. A friend emailed us back and suggested that we look at the sign again. Yep. Turns out that the hotel had a, let’s say, unique history. Fortunately we were able to hit the unsend button.
2018
Sweet Jesus I went shopping for shoes with Shelley today - but more on that later.
As part of celebrating our upcoming 30th Anniversary we went to Eureka Springs, AR. Beautiful countryside and the weather couldn’t have been better unless it was dripping honey. Hm, well that actually would have been gross so let’s just leave it where it was. Wow, that doesn’t even conjure up a pleasing image, does it? Think about it if you haven’t already. See. I was going for a land of milk and honey kind of thing but now that just sounds kind of … never mind.
We parked at the bottom of the hill on Main Street. We were lucky to find a place because our usual parking place was almost completely gone. In the picture below you’ll see a big hole. At the bottom you’ll see what looks like a doorway but it isn’t. It’s part of the storm sewer system. That used to be just below ground level. There was so much flooding that the place was built up over the years. You can see how far by the dirty stone.
There was, however, one row of parking left. It’s the kind of parking place monitored by a little box with a slit in it for your stall and you’re supposed to fold up your $5 bill and shove it in there for 4 hours of parking. You’ll use up 5 minutes of your life that you’re never going to get back just trying to fold up a bill tight enough to get it in there. Woe to you if you don’t happen to have a fiver on you and good luck getting all those dollar bills in there.
Shelley’s thinking was that we would park at the bottom and then walk up to Magee Jewelry at the top of the hill. If we started there, we would be at our peak energy point of the day. It was noon. Peak—get it? Started at the top of the hill. The pic below shows just one set of stairs that we tackled.
Anyway, we stopped off at Magee Jewelry to look at a ring addition for Shelley’s 2nd set of wedding rings. That went well depending upon how you define well. The woman that made Shelley’s 25-year vow renewal wedding rings happened to be the one that waited on us. (Yes, Shelley has two sets of wedding rings now.) Her dad (Jim) made my wedding band. Yes, her dad.
Turns out that Emily (Magee) is going to have to custom make the addition to Shelley’s ring. Of course she is. Bless her heart. She also told us that we “had to” eat at The Oasis, a little hole in the wall café because the food was really good. We didn’t need a camel to get there and it was downhill from Magee. That met our critical criteria. As I already mentioned, we have learned to monitor our energy levels closely.
We made a couple of stops at galleries along our way and managed to pick up a couple more things that we couldn’t live without like a custom ceramic sponge holder. Turns out that it will also hold a taco so I’m okay with that.
Then we hit The Oasis. It lived up to its name. My guess is that Emily might be vegan because I was hard pressed to find any meat dishes on the menu. Shelley said that there were meat dishes. She has better eyes than I do. Should also mention that I have been known to look for things that are right in front of me or have actually moved what I’m looking for to see if what I’m looking for is behind what I’m looking for.
The food was OMG good! We prayed to Jesus before it was served so that might have played a part. I had some kind of bean burrito with fresh spinach, mushrooms, beans, cheese and I don’t know what all but it was delicious! The salad was fresh greens, tomatoes and a vinaigrette dressing that tasted homemade. (BTW vinaigrette is spelled stupidly. I would spell it with that a in another place and add an extra e but nobody asked.) I tried several times to get Shelley to take a bite but she demurred.
Too late I realized that I had made a tactical mistake in that she doesn’t like black beans. She doesn’t like a lot of really good stuff. Admittedly I tend to like foods that make me fart a lot. Anyway the point was what she had looked really, really good too and I was trying the old let’s trade bites move on her. Didn’t work. I didn’t push it though. Mr. “I suppose we can get married if you want to” Romantic has learned a few tricks over the years. (Yes, that was my initial marriage proposal. That’s a whole other story. It was a stressful time.)
We didn’t take pictures of the food. Can you believe it? It’s probably because our energy levels were depleted. Anyway things went downhill again from there. We ended up at one last store that she wanted to visit called Parts Unknown. She needed a pair of dressy sandals. Shoot me now.
As the shoes piled up I wished that I had my bible with me so that I could have read from Psalms and not the good ones either. Perhaps a few stories of pillaging, looting and killing everyone. I informed the clerk that I could never have sold shoes retail. She asked why? “Because I would have gone postal.” She laughed.
Seriously after about the 3rd or 4th time of “do you have this in a quarter size smaller” I wanted to hurt small kitties. I wanted to grab a box and sling it down the aisle hollering, “This one’s not good enough for my Shelley!” It was about then that she promised me ice cream. For me that’s the equivalent of hollering “squirrel”.
What fresh hell is this?
We did finish up there and then … we had to stop at the Public Bathroom. We had tried earlier but the line was too long. No line. Shelley went to her woman side first so that I could hold our many packages. Right after she went in a woman came out of the man’s side with her 14-year-old son. We smiled. They looked like nice people. Shelley came out and we went through the sacred transfer of packages ritual and then I went in.
CAUTION GRAPHIC PLOT LINE!!!
Okay so I go in. No one else is in there. Good thing. I hate it when people want to exchange pleasantries while they’re peeing. (In case that sentence made you wonder because I said people when I served in Korea, I discovered that they had unisex bathrooms. Either that or a horrible trick was played on me because of my gullibility and I inadvertently set our foreign relations back a few years on a small scale.)
So I’m using the urinal and all of a sudden, I’m getting splash back in my face! What!? Yes, I’m frantically trying to figure out what I’m suddenly doing wrong because I’ve been doing this a number of years and am pretty sure that I’ve got the process down right.
Check list time!
Pointed down? Yes.
Aimed in the proper location? Yes.
Any obstructions? What? ANY OBSTRUCTIONS? NO.
Any new openings that weren’t there this morning when doing this? No.
Are you sure it’s pointed down? Oh for goodness sake yes and BTW I’ve never peed in my face! (I have to admit here that “goodness” was not the word that I actually thought of.)
Check list complete.
No idea what’s going on.
Before my mind snapped completely, I realized that a pipe higher up was dripping water and splashing when it hit the top of the urinal. I started laughing and then I was really glad that there wasn’t anybody else in there or there would have been I-saw-some-old-guy-freaking-out-at-the-urinal story out there in the world passed down for generations.
Then it was finally time for ice cream at our usual ice cream store. Except that she had me make a U-turn because we had passed by a quilt shop. She’s a quilter. It’s an addiction. I tried an intervention once and all that happened is yet another quilter was created.
So yes, I made the U-turn. I have seen her withdrawal symptoms and it isn’t pretty. Beer doesn’t help. Can you believe it?! Also, she is the Captain Boss of Mr. “I suppose we can get married if you want to.” (You know I don’t actually remember saying those exact words. She assures me I did.)
The quilt shop had some really good-looking cookies so I decided to get a couple. Can you believe it? Cookies! Obviously other guys had been there with their wives. So, I asked Shelley if she wanted one and she turned me flat down saying that she didn’t want to fill up before ice cream. I said, “Then I’m just going to get one cookie so don’t go asking me for a bite afterwards.” She then decided that I should get 2 cookies.
Sometimes you just have to practice some tough love.
We picked up some material. It was brown. Maybe. I’ll leave it at that.
Then we made it to the Big Dipper for ice cream. We both got waffle cones. I had butter pecan. I don’t know what Shelley had because she wouldn’t let me have any of hers either and that’s after playing me to try and get dip of an ice cream flavor that she didn’t get so she could eat some of mine.
Well, I broke my waffle cone. Snapped that bad boy right in half I did. The lady was nice enough to rush a bowl and spoon to me. Probably didn’t like seeing a grown man cry and carry on like that. Wailing in public tends to attract attention.
We finished up and headed home. Really it was a great day.
The Bigs.
On the way home Shelley asked me if I wanted to go to Harrison, AR to exchange a gift she got me there. I should mention here that she got me a T-shirt and…so help me Jesus…sandals. I tried them on before I/we left for Eureka and discovered that they were too small. One size too small. Size 11. Now at the time I thought that odd because she has been buying me shoes for years and I don’t even have to be present and they fit. She knows that one of my feet is bigger than the other one. I can’t even remember that. I have to ask her. Size 12. Have been for years.
My sugar high was waning at this point and I asked if we could go the next day. Sure no problem. That should have been a red flag. After we get home she calls my cousin and asks her if she wants to go to Harrison with us tomorrow. Now I enquire…afterwards…why my cousin would want to go to a shoe store with us so I could return a pair of sandals? Another red flag.
You’re probably thinking to yourself right now that man this guy is really easy but you haven’t seen the full picture yet. Shelley says, “There’s a quilt store there that we want to go to.” I got played again. Big time. I’m not going to bother checking this back over and correct any mistakes. It is what it is.
Sometimes I drink beer when I write.
This is one of those times.
Love your stories!!!! You write so well!!!